the tides have turned

So back in June when I had my appendix removed, my boyfriend broke up with me about three days after. He needed his space and wanted to be how he used to be. I at first didnt understand because i was in such emotional shock. We ended up back together and still are, it wasnt like we even broke up. Besides that, Ive recently realized how much different I am compared to how i was. I know ive grown in many ways, but thats not the problem. I miss how i would ignore all other homework and just work on the computer all day, on photoshop. I used to paint just becuase thats all i wanted to do. I find myself doing alo these days, paintball, volleyball, college, work, and family. My sister is on bedrest, so ive been helping her around the house alil. Lucky for her, just got approved and she and dean just bought a house. They will be moving during winter break, so ill be able to help.
It just seems like in hihg school, you have responsibilities, but u also have the free time to do whatever you want. As im getting older im realizing that i dont have that kind of time anymore and i really sadens me. I pretty sure that consentrating on my life and furture is whats been causing all my stress.
i wonder sometimes if cirdan and i will ever move on in our relationship. I dont want to get married or anything yet, but we've been together for so long now, and we are both old enough, but we have never disscussed moving in together. i just dont want to have a 'high school' relationship like we had when it first started. i dont know how to explain it to him because i dont want to lose him, hes my best friend. But how do i tell him that if we arent progressing i want my time for me and my life. I want to do whatever, whenever. Its not like we can dictate over each other because we arent roomates. And what happens if i move to madison for school and i meet someone? i would cheat or anything, but i also wouldnt feel like i was in a relationship because my spouse would ever be around.
Another thing about him is that he doesnt always listen or put me first. there are somethings he still hasnt changed and its been 3.5 years. I know i havent changed either, but i have changed here and there for his sake. I found my self not being the typica jelouse ggf i am lately, its almost like i dont care anymore. It came out of nowhere too. Its like i just noticed that i want to be single, and lost the passion for the relationship im in, even though it has nothing personal to do with cirdan. Like im still attracted to him, i still love him and all that juzz. I just think i need metime.
How do i obtain this metime without crushing his heart like he did to me?