the semester is ending

so here we come to the end of eng 101. I will miss you guys! i will not miss getting up early, even though spring semester has the same fate of early classes. sigh. I plan on keeping my blog and hopefully putting some wisdom in it, not just rants about ym daily life and me bitching all the time. Latley ive been more calm, but still get stressed. I havent studied enough yet for my finals, but i think i'll be ok. School seems to come to me, even though i expect my psy 250 grade to be alittle lower than i wanted. damn there goes my 3.5 gpa.oh well. I have only a years worth of classes before i get my associates, and by a years worth i mean 13 or less credits per semester.

i went to madison today to perform my social exeriment which went practicy down the toilet. It clogged alittle bit so i have something to look at, but it was almost pointless for what i wanted out of it. I have a lot of good information to analize otherwise, but i am dissapointed.

christmas is alost here! just a week away. I sitll have some gifts to get, but im almost done. Its crazy how fast the holidays come and go now that im older. Its like time dissapears. sounds like what everyone says but what can i do? I just try to enjoy life when the time is right. Im glad to have a month of soon.

Well, good luck to you all from eng 101, have a great holiday and break, and hope to see you around!

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My social experiment essay is looking better than i thought it could. The only thing is i have to do it and write about it still. Itll be fun though. i plan on invaiding public privacy. I will walk into diffferent hotels in Madison and Fond du Lac, and get on the elevators, and instead of turning around right away and looking at the doors, i plan on making eye contact with the other passengers, and observing their reactions to me breaching privacy levels. I also want to break other public privacy rules. I'm still not sure how to do that.

Anyway, my last blog entry was about how stressed out i am. I say my doctor the other day (because my sister had me call) and he put me on a mood stableizer called lexapro. My sister said shed had that before, so im not too worried. at least it should chill me out, ive been alittle high strung latley.

I am so happy that the semester is almost done. one more school day, then finals! i cant wait. I love school and all that jazz, but i just need a break right now. Im quite confident about my finals, but i sitll have to study some more. Its just not going to come to me.

the tides have turned

So back in June when I had my appendix removed, my boyfriend broke up with me about three days after. He needed his space and wanted to be how he used to be. I at first didnt understand because i was in such emotional shock. We ended up back together and still are, it wasnt like we even broke up. Besides that, Ive recently realized how much different I am compared to how i was. I know ive grown in many ways, but thats not the problem. I miss how i would ignore all other homework and just work on the computer all day, on photoshop. I used to paint just becuase thats all i wanted to do. I find myself doing alo these days, paintball, volleyball, college, work, and family. My sister is on bedrest, so ive been helping her around the house alil. Lucky for her, just got approved and she and dean just bought a house. They will be moving during winter break, so ill be able to help.
It just seems like in hihg school, you have responsibilities, but u also have the free time to do whatever you want. As im getting older im realizing that i dont have that kind of time anymore and i really sadens me. I pretty sure that consentrating on my life and furture is whats been causing all my stress.
i wonder sometimes if cirdan and i will ever move on in our relationship. I dont want to get married or anything yet, but we've been together for so long now, and we are both old enough, but we have never disscussed moving in together. i just dont want to have a 'high school' relationship like we had when it first started. i dont know how to explain it to him because i dont want to lose him, hes my best friend. But how do i tell him that if we arent progressing i want my time for me and my life. I want to do whatever, whenever. Its not like we can dictate over each other because we arent roomates. And what happens if i move to madison for school and i meet someone? i would cheat or anything, but i also wouldnt feel like i was in a relationship because my spouse would ever be around.
Another thing about him is that he doesnt always listen or put me first. there are somethings he still hasnt changed and its been 3.5 years. I know i havent changed either, but i have changed here and there for his sake. I found my self not being the typica jelouse ggf i am lately, its almost like i dont care anymore. It came out of nowhere too. Its like i just noticed that i want to be single, and lost the passion for the relationship im in, even though it has nothing personal to do with cirdan. Like im still attracted to him, i still love him and all that juzz. I just think i need metime.
How do i obtain this metime without crushing his heart like he did to me?