the semester is ending

so here we come to the end of eng 101. I will miss you guys! i will not miss getting up early, even though spring semester has the same fate of early classes. sigh. I plan on keeping my blog and hopefully putting some wisdom in it, not just rants about ym daily life and me bitching all the time. Latley ive been more calm, but still get stressed. I havent studied enough yet for my finals, but i think i'll be ok. School seems to come to me, even though i expect my psy 250 grade to be alittle lower than i wanted. damn there goes my 3.5 gpa.oh well. I have only a years worth of classes before i get my associates, and by a years worth i mean 13 or less credits per semester.

i went to madison today to perform my social exeriment which went practicy down the toilet. It clogged alittle bit so i have something to look at, but it was almost pointless for what i wanted out of it. I have a lot of good information to analize otherwise, but i am dissapointed.

christmas is alost here! just a week away. I sitll have some gifts to get, but im almost done. Its crazy how fast the holidays come and go now that im older. Its like time dissapears. sounds like what everyone says but what can i do? I just try to enjoy life when the time is right. Im glad to have a month of soon.

Well, good luck to you all from eng 101, have a great holiday and break, and hope to see you around!

untitled

My social experiment essay is looking better than i thought it could. The only thing is i have to do it and write about it still. Itll be fun though. i plan on invaiding public privacy. I will walk into diffferent hotels in Madison and Fond du Lac, and get on the elevators, and instead of turning around right away and looking at the doors, i plan on making eye contact with the other passengers, and observing their reactions to me breaching privacy levels. I also want to break other public privacy rules. I'm still not sure how to do that.

Anyway, my last blog entry was about how stressed out i am. I say my doctor the other day (because my sister had me call) and he put me on a mood stableizer called lexapro. My sister said shed had that before, so im not too worried. at least it should chill me out, ive been alittle high strung latley.

I am so happy that the semester is almost done. one more school day, then finals! i cant wait. I love school and all that jazz, but i just need a break right now. Im quite confident about my finals, but i sitll have to study some more. Its just not going to come to me.

the tides have turned

So back in June when I had my appendix removed, my boyfriend broke up with me about three days after. He needed his space and wanted to be how he used to be. I at first didnt understand because i was in such emotional shock. We ended up back together and still are, it wasnt like we even broke up. Besides that, Ive recently realized how much different I am compared to how i was. I know ive grown in many ways, but thats not the problem. I miss how i would ignore all other homework and just work on the computer all day, on photoshop. I used to paint just becuase thats all i wanted to do. I find myself doing alo these days, paintball, volleyball, college, work, and family. My sister is on bedrest, so ive been helping her around the house alil. Lucky for her, just got approved and she and dean just bought a house. They will be moving during winter break, so ill be able to help.
It just seems like in hihg school, you have responsibilities, but u also have the free time to do whatever you want. As im getting older im realizing that i dont have that kind of time anymore and i really sadens me. I pretty sure that consentrating on my life and furture is whats been causing all my stress.
i wonder sometimes if cirdan and i will ever move on in our relationship. I dont want to get married or anything yet, but we've been together for so long now, and we are both old enough, but we have never disscussed moving in together. i just dont want to have a 'high school' relationship like we had when it first started. i dont know how to explain it to him because i dont want to lose him, hes my best friend. But how do i tell him that if we arent progressing i want my time for me and my life. I want to do whatever, whenever. Its not like we can dictate over each other because we arent roomates. And what happens if i move to madison for school and i meet someone? i would cheat or anything, but i also wouldnt feel like i was in a relationship because my spouse would ever be around.
Another thing about him is that he doesnt always listen or put me first. there are somethings he still hasnt changed and its been 3.5 years. I know i havent changed either, but i have changed here and there for his sake. I found my self not being the typica jelouse ggf i am lately, its almost like i dont care anymore. It came out of nowhere too. Its like i just noticed that i want to be single, and lost the passion for the relationship im in, even though it has nothing personal to do with cirdan. Like im still attracted to him, i still love him and all that juzz. I just think i need metime.
How do i obtain this metime without crushing his heart like he did to me?

thanksgiving fun

so we've had a long weekend due to the holiday and everything. i had to work two split shifts on sat and sun. i normally have off on sundays so i felt like i had no time to myself or homework. its really becoming a problem. it always seems like i have so much time, but then all of a sudden days fly by and nothing gets done. ive lost my organization. luckily schools almost done so i'll have that month off to catch up. i cant wait.

My older brother shannon, whos been home from colorado for a few weeks is leaving tmw. We drank kessler last night, his buddies poured me a drink that was 2/3 kessler. suddenly it was 3 am and i was smashed. I ended up falling over when i changed into my pajamas. 15 hours later, i noticed a tender bruised area behind my ear. i eventually remebered that i had hit my head against my garbage can when i fell. crazy drunken andrea moments.

on a sader note, a friend of my boyfriend died early thanksgiving morning. Cirdan saw him out at the bar, because everyone goes out the night before thanksgiving, just a few hours before he passed. cirdan isnt close to him, but he knew him and he was a nice guy. always having fun. i guess he ODed later that night. He wasnt even someone who would overdose. it was a freak incident in my opinion. i dont know when the funeral is or if im going, but it still makes me sad. It wasnt his time, and his family found out on thanksgiving. i cant even image their pain.

A Letter from Andrea's Basement

I have to say that I'm excited to discuss Martin Luther King Jr.'s A Letter from Burmingham Jail. I've read it before in another class. It was History of Minorities in America. Good class, good letter. Personally, I was more interested in Malcom X. The Civil Rights Movement happened because of people like Martin Luther and Malcom X. After the Civil War, slavery was finally abolished by adding it to the Bill of Rights. For the life of me, and cant remember which one it was, its either the 13th, 14th, or 15th. I knew at one point in time however. So a new generation of children started to grown up in a world without slavery. So they didnt really know of how interations were between the white man and the black man. So children, who don't usually understand social behavior, are confused as to why they are seperated from the other people. In Anne Moody's Book, Coming of Age in Mississippi, she mentions when she was young, and had white neighbor friends she would play with. She purposly played doctor with them just so she could figure out that was different about them, but they had all the same parts she did.
It just amazes me how history is what it is. All these people who were part of the Movement knew it was big, but i bet you they didn't think that our world would have changed so much. I know it took along time from when slavery was abolished to complete freedom for every race. Even today, some people still live in oppression. All kinds of people. Not everyone has a free life, and i think thats the next step. The problems i see happening is that some people are 'bad' and some things should be controled and not permitted.
I don't know if what i just said is exactly how I feel about the subject, but I know that history is more real than is thought. Its hard to read about something that happened in the past, because it's not happening to you, and you probably didn't know the people involved. History is not only good to learn because of changes that happen, but so that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past, and can use it to help our future.

wow, i went way off subject from Martim Luther, but oh well.

Im in a photo mood!

I only have so many pics on my computer because i just got a digi camera recently. I feel like posting some of my old paintings, not only for you guys (eng 101 peeps) but for other people who i would be interested in showing my paintings to. I know my blog is late AGAIN this week but atleast im doing it now.

My nephew swimming! ^

A painting i did of Cirdans Eye, 2004. meduim: acrylic and varnish

Painting of Kurt Cobain, 2004. meduim: acrylic and varnish

'The Fletcher Man" 2005. meduim: acrylic and varnish

Abstraction of a sheriff depo pic of the car accident i was in in 2004, painted in 2007. meduim: oils

'The Wall" waterpainted in 2005

So these are just some things i wanted to put up and finally did. If you enjoy them then great, if not, then im sorry you were displeased.

Back to my real blog entry. My brother Shannon has been home for a week now, as i should have mentioned in my past blog entry or so. If i didnt, then to sum it up, hes my older brother, grad of BDHS in 1998. He lives in lakewood colorado, but was working in the storm drains in Key largo FLordia. he lost his job and wanted to fly home, so mom and i just bought him a ticket to stop home first, so he can work thru christmas and not have to worry about making it back to the beav in time. last year we picked him up at 1130 pm on christmas in madison. That sucked. Anyway, him and i visited some of his friends, which one is dating my best friend from middle school. (7 year age difference) but she has a kid from another relationship, and i guess they are good for each other. Anyway, we then started playing Guitar hero III. I havent played any of the game, so we had to buy it. i dont have a system at all, but shannon miraculously had a ps2 in one of his two duffel bags of belongings he had in flordia. we stayed up unitl 530 am sat night, well sunday morning, drinkin beer and playing metallica, slayer, pearl jam, rollling stones, all the 'good' songs from the game. i know it was critical homework time, but i havent seen my brother since last christmas. Normally i dont have school so i kinda forgot about those responsibilities. i didnt have much immediate homework, but i do have papers and a scholarship paper to do real soon. Yes, my eng paper is done, mostly. I dont know when shannons going home, but i expect it should be somewhat soon. He wants to go back and sleep on a real bed. I cant blame hime. I hope that someday i can afford to go out to colorado to visit. My grandma was from colorado springs and i visited there once when i was 9. It was so beautiful.

Earth is a wonderful place, and i dont want to rant about all that abstract stuff, but i cant help but appreciate the little things. I know i get so frosted (mad) sometimes that im irrational, but thats only when im irritable. anyway, sorry about my pissed off-edness today in classs, but i couldnt help it.

sorry im late

i didnt blog over the weekend because my computer has been alittle bitch. i dont know whats wrong with it. The Internet doesnt load past my home page sometimes and my damn cdr-rw drive likes to feak out. I wonder if my spysweeper even works. Im so ornery right now. im tired and have alot going on. This time its not school, its everything else. My brother flew home yesterday. I had to pick him up from the madison airport. it actually snowed! im kindof excited about that. i had to switch my schedule from work so i can go out to dinner with my family tonite and they want to eat at the restaurant i work at.
im cutting this blog short. I'll add more or a new one later. Im just irritable now.

Marge Simpson Costume!!!

OK, pictures from top to bottom, left to right. First picture: Me in my Marge Simpsons costume. Second Picture: Cirdan in his mask and me as Marge. Third: Cirdan, my mom, and I sitting at the edge of the garage in fron tof a table where the trick or treating was taking place. we had a fog machine it was cool. Forth: me getting ready, sadly the only pic of me without a sweater on top.

Now toda was quite a day. I still havent washed my hair out yet becuase i wanted to post before i went to bed. it already 11 pm. I started the day by going to the end of season paintball meeting that took way too ling, and turns out there realy is no off season. oh well. i just dont have time anymore to put all my effort inot paintball. I think getting to shoot people year round might be stress relieving though.

After i finally got home from that, i had to set up for trick or treaters. I had my lime green duct tape dress already made. My sister was going to curl my air then we would spray it up. I wasnt working too well and my mom came up with the idea to us a large plastic cup and put it in my hair, and pull it up over the cup, and band it in place. We then used pipecleaners for some curls. my sister took lots of pictures of my running around in my underwear and whatnot. It was such a hetic day almost. Im disaointed becuase i dont think my Marge hair looks 100% great, and my make up didnt turn out how i wanted. I was trying fot cartoon 'ball' eyes, but i didnt have much time.

i got alot of comments and complients on my outfit by mostly adults, but hey, the simpsons were originally aired on the tracey ulman show in 1987, the year i as born, so i expect adults to appreciate it more.

Any questions or comments? ideas for improvement? remember, it was half-assedly planned out and done quickly with no experience so i hope you al enjoy my costume and it is what you expected.

I've finally chosen a major

yes, one year into school and i finally decided what i want to do. I almost feel like ive wasted time because i didnt have a specific major, so i didnt take specific classes. I chose Astronomy for a couple reasons. First, i love the subject and have alwyas been interested in the stars and all that jazz. Second, i love math and science. They are actually my best subjects. Im not a straight a student, but i atleast try to understand the information completly instead of knowing the answers with out 'getting' it. I dont like to regurgetate information because how are you supposed to use it in life if you dont know how to apply what you know? Third is that i learn fast, and i need someting challenging to keep me going. Its really stressfull and life flies by but im so lazy when my life isnt busy. I usually dont keep organized. I need structure.
I dont know how to aply astronomy to a career, but i know that UW Madison has the major available and i live in Beaver Dam, which is directly in the middle between FDL and Madtown on HWY 151, and becaus i already drive to FDL, i can drive the same distace to my next school, or even live there. Im very comfortable in Madtown. I will never go to milwaukee becuase i dont like the place. I know its the stereotypes, but too many bad thigs realated to me happen there. Not to me, but to people i know.
On another topic, i get to go to franklin elementary on monday to do Teaching Atmospheric Concepts to Kids or TACK. my group and i go there after school to the boys and girls club and do weather related activities around a specific weather topic depending on the week we go. My group is temperature. it shoould be fun but we have alot of prep to do before hand, and i ave a test in astronomy that day. EEk! all should go well i think.

HALLOWEEN!!

so for halloween i'm going to dress up as marge simpson. It will only be for trick or trest sunday. theres no way i would ever put my hair straight up for school. hopefully i will get some picture taken and i will post them.
I think i finally chose my major. i want to major in astronomy. I love math and science and i've always beena a fast learner and interested in the universe. The only problem is that i never seem to have enough time to put my best effort in. If im not at school in class, im at work, driving to or from school, or hopefully sleeping. And in all the little time inbetween i try to relax and see my friends. i know life is just that way, but it seems like i can never win in terms of whats happens in my life. No matter what i decide for a school schedule i end up working when i dont want to becuase only certain shifts are available. If im not home by 5 there is no point in me working. And i usually work unitl atleast ten and then i have to do whatever when i get home, then wake up early to get to school or babysit my neice and nephew.
i really hate to just bitch about everything all the time but what else is there for me talk about that doesnt make me feel like im writting a paper? i dont even check my grammer and spelling becuase a blog is like a journal and i just write / type whatever i think and i dont have time to retrace my thoughts. My mind doesnt work like that.
i guess its not that i dont care in the sense of im blowing it off because im rude, but its more that i dont like having to make my thoughts part of a system. its like in books where dialect is spelt out. Im not the kind of person to enjoy telling strangers random thoughts so i dont care if it gets read either. So if no one reads it them my grammer shouldnt matter.

work work work

this weekend was hell on earth for me at work.
Its busy at a resteraunt on weekends, so we had alot of cooks working. i'm a cook too. I got stuck on salad, which is on the pizza end, meaning i do the salads and desserts for the pizza cook during the night when they are too busy doing pizzas.
I usually work with the same person, so thats means im in at 4, they're at 5. I restock and do the pan change, and cut the pizza for them, turn it in the oven, and refill their toppings during the night, plus do the salads and keep myself stocked. Then at 830 when we die down, they get their way and leave early, while im stuck there as the last person before the closer. Its the same on friday and saturday.
There is no dignity in that. The only thing i like is that im not actually as busy as the other sections like broil, who does all the food thats not pizza, pasta or speciallty. then on sunday i was by myself on pizza. I got my ass kicked. It was non stop 16 inch pizzas to go and for the people eating there. i didnt get top restock until after 7pm.
Then around 830 the drain started to bubble up water all over the floor up on the cook line. It went all under my ends coolers, and the ovens in the niddle. I helped ryan mop it up, and before we were done we had to empty the mop bucket because we had so much water on the floor. Shortly after we dumped the water and almost had it all clean, it did it again, only worse. By this time our maintance guy came in to wet/dry vaccum the floor and check out the drain. we realized it might be connected to the mop sink and when the first bucket was dumped it pushed the water back up, and if the bar area was mopped up and the water was dumped earlier, then that caused the initial bubbling.
so the maintance guy should have came in this morning to fix it. I hope its fixed by the time i go back to work tomorrow, that was the worst smelling mess i have ever delt with at work.

my busy weekend, or not so busy.

i had a full weekend planned, and as usually everything got switched around at the last minute. There was a Renissance fair in Fox Lake over the weekend, and my boyfriend cirdan was going to be a vendor with somw family friends who always have a booth there. Cirdan makes wooden swords that are meant for decoration, not play. He takes alot of time into them and wanted to sell them. As it turned out most of the vendors wern't going to this fair becuase they were invited to other big fairs that happened at the same time and i guess there were 'politics' involved. So the fair was boring and we didnt stay long. The other reason we didnt stay long was that it was cirdan's dads birthday and hes got back problems and doesnt get out of the house much. He came along and wore his armor, combat ready, and that stuff weighs atleast 60 lbs. He made it ok, better than i expected, but we had no reason to stay so he had no need to suffer. it was lame and all three of us had finally finished getting nice outfits ready for it. I ended up wearing my dress all day just to get some use out of it. We went to the movie store and people were asking us about the fair, assuming we went because of our clothes. So i guess we advertised.
The other thing that i did this weekend was paintball. We had a special guest this time. He Is known as DMG, hes a medic in the army, stationed in Iraq. He's probly younger middle aged, and Paintball was one of the main things that kept him going in Iraq. He ran across the Badger Brigades website, and wanted to play with WIP-SOG, the team I'm on. Our Team commander came up with some new games and a 2hour scenario game with 15 minute long missions. It was hard, and i got shot on the top of my head. Paintballs at this field cant go faster than 280 feet per second, and thata 190 miles per hour, so it hurt alot up there. Cirdan and i didnt stay very long because he had to go into work later that night. It was a little unorganized. Not the game, but the people playing the game didnt know what to do. Lack of communication and time was the problem. It kinda pissed me off. BUt hey, at least our Medic DVG had a good time. He's the one who can only play when he's on leave from Iraq. I'm glad we arranged this day for him. He probably really appreciated it.

I said more on paintball, so...

I'm on this scenario paintball team, called WIP-SOG. based out of Juneau, WI, from Jungle cat Paintball on hwy 26 north of Watertown. I plan on writing my personal narrative on my first experience on the field, so I'm going to discuss paintball in general. I'm pretty sure I'm not on the roster yet.
http://wipsog.badgerbrigades.com/
I have a Tippmann Custom Pro gun, and i love it. Every Sunday, Cirdan and i are out at Jungle Cat by noon for team practice or games. We have 18 team members, and about 12-15 of them regularly show up. My team name is squee, and its the name i use all the time. i know this is off topic, but the name squee originated for me from the comic book 'johnny the homicidal maniac', by jhohan vasquez. the character squee is a very young boy who is neighbor to johnny, the homicidal manic. he is adorable, and if you don't get offended easily and like a good gruesome laugh read this comic. Cirdan's team name is Grim. Most of the time during a game, there's so much going on around and my heart is pounding. Its shoot or be shot. So its hard to look over a bunker and find your opponent when they may be able to see you previously, and then they shoot you or shot at you. And yes, if you get splattered larger than a dime, your dead. if you get shot in the gun, you're dead. If you get shot but the paintball doesn't break, your not out. Its alot to think about while you're out there. I reffed last Sunday. i love watching the game because i can see what other people do during the game, and don't have to worry about being shot on purpose.
I'm not very good yet, and only have shot out two victims. But you have to remember that each game, when you're shot, you're out. So it was a matter of someone shot me out, or i stayed in hidding long enough that the game ended before i got to shoot anyone. My main problem is that i camp. I find good cover, and i stay there. The last couple time i played, i moved around more than usuall, and it's been only these last few weeks that i've got my victims. So i am improving.
So on a serious note, check out that website up there. i know the site isnt complete, but it ill explain more about the team.

Squee's summer experience

School ended at just about the right time. Money was short and work was getting busier. stress was starting to set in. "So summer has started", she thought to herself, as she noticed nothing has changed. Yeah, she was't spending as much money on gas and time in Fond du Lac, but the feeling of summer freedom wasn't their.
As the days went on, nothing seemed in place. Summer had started and she had no idea. Even though times seemed well otherwise, Squee got sick one night at work. Her back hurt like she had cramps, her gut hurt like she had backed-up gas (go ahead and laugh if you must). It was only 9:25pm and Benvenutos, Squee's employer, was open until 11pm, and she was a cook. This was the first time she begged to go home. The dining room was still full, Bud and Dan were the only cooks left besides her. Bud suggested she sit in the back until they could tell if they really needed her help. After five minutes and every other employee noticing how sick she felt, she got sent home.
An everyday thing after work is to stop by her boyfriend, Cirdan (Keer-dan), and on the way to his house, about a 8 block drive, Squee pulled over to throw up. She then mad it to Cirdan's, were they relaxed, and she tried her damnest not to throw up. After about 15 minutes, she ad to go home. All of these symptoms had haunted her months before, and she knew she was up for a night of sleeping for 45 minutes, puking for 15, and forcing water down so when she woke up to puke, something would come up.
The night went on as her sick digestive system had planned. Only this time, it didnt go away. Last time she had stopped by 6 am. This time it was 9 am and not only had she not slept all night but she still couldnt keep anything down. Squee then decided to go the emergency room, even if its just for some relief or the nausia. After recieving some medicine to stop her vomiting, she finally slept. She still had pain in her back and gut.
So after a cat scan, and a surgical consult, Squee's appendix was removed at 4:30pm that day. After recovery, the only thing keeping her a the hospital was her objectives; eat, walk, and use the restroom. She was home by 7:30pm, and felt amazing. Her surgical wounds hurt like any normal person who has surgery, and she needed a week's time for recovery.
Soon after that, Squee joined a paintball team that her 'boyfriend' was on. (They had actually broken up three days after Squee's surgury, but their bond is too close for that to change them. Currently, no one could even tell that they weren't together.) The team name is WIP-SOG, and they are located at Jungle Cat Paintball just north of Watertown on Hwy 26. This one action of joining such a team brought happiness to Squee, for once this summer. Getting shot by a ball of paint at 280 feet per second doesnt feel very good, but the thrill brought something to her summer, letting her know it was here, and that good freedom feeling came back.


more on paintball next time!

Ok, here is Andrea's Blog for the Fall Semster English 101 class at UW FDL. Thanks for reading.