the semester is ending

so here we come to the end of eng 101. I will miss you guys! i will not miss getting up early, even though spring semester has the same fate of early classes. sigh. I plan on keeping my blog and hopefully putting some wisdom in it, not just rants about ym daily life and me bitching all the time. Latley ive been more calm, but still get stressed. I havent studied enough yet for my finals, but i think i'll be ok. School seems to come to me, even though i expect my psy 250 grade to be alittle lower than i wanted. damn there goes my 3.5 gpa.oh well. I have only a years worth of classes before i get my associates, and by a years worth i mean 13 or less credits per semester.

i went to madison today to perform my social exeriment which went practicy down the toilet. It clogged alittle bit so i have something to look at, but it was almost pointless for what i wanted out of it. I have a lot of good information to analize otherwise, but i am dissapointed.

christmas is alost here! just a week away. I sitll have some gifts to get, but im almost done. Its crazy how fast the holidays come and go now that im older. Its like time dissapears. sounds like what everyone says but what can i do? I just try to enjoy life when the time is right. Im glad to have a month of soon.

Well, good luck to you all from eng 101, have a great holiday and break, and hope to see you around!

untitled

My social experiment essay is looking better than i thought it could. The only thing is i have to do it and write about it still. Itll be fun though. i plan on invaiding public privacy. I will walk into diffferent hotels in Madison and Fond du Lac, and get on the elevators, and instead of turning around right away and looking at the doors, i plan on making eye contact with the other passengers, and observing their reactions to me breaching privacy levels. I also want to break other public privacy rules. I'm still not sure how to do that.

Anyway, my last blog entry was about how stressed out i am. I say my doctor the other day (because my sister had me call) and he put me on a mood stableizer called lexapro. My sister said shed had that before, so im not too worried. at least it should chill me out, ive been alittle high strung latley.

I am so happy that the semester is almost done. one more school day, then finals! i cant wait. I love school and all that jazz, but i just need a break right now. Im quite confident about my finals, but i sitll have to study some more. Its just not going to come to me.

the tides have turned

So back in June when I had my appendix removed, my boyfriend broke up with me about three days after. He needed his space and wanted to be how he used to be. I at first didnt understand because i was in such emotional shock. We ended up back together and still are, it wasnt like we even broke up. Besides that, Ive recently realized how much different I am compared to how i was. I know ive grown in many ways, but thats not the problem. I miss how i would ignore all other homework and just work on the computer all day, on photoshop. I used to paint just becuase thats all i wanted to do. I find myself doing alo these days, paintball, volleyball, college, work, and family. My sister is on bedrest, so ive been helping her around the house alil. Lucky for her, just got approved and she and dean just bought a house. They will be moving during winter break, so ill be able to help.
It just seems like in hihg school, you have responsibilities, but u also have the free time to do whatever you want. As im getting older im realizing that i dont have that kind of time anymore and i really sadens me. I pretty sure that consentrating on my life and furture is whats been causing all my stress.
i wonder sometimes if cirdan and i will ever move on in our relationship. I dont want to get married or anything yet, but we've been together for so long now, and we are both old enough, but we have never disscussed moving in together. i just dont want to have a 'high school' relationship like we had when it first started. i dont know how to explain it to him because i dont want to lose him, hes my best friend. But how do i tell him that if we arent progressing i want my time for me and my life. I want to do whatever, whenever. Its not like we can dictate over each other because we arent roomates. And what happens if i move to madison for school and i meet someone? i would cheat or anything, but i also wouldnt feel like i was in a relationship because my spouse would ever be around.
Another thing about him is that he doesnt always listen or put me first. there are somethings he still hasnt changed and its been 3.5 years. I know i havent changed either, but i have changed here and there for his sake. I found my self not being the typica jelouse ggf i am lately, its almost like i dont care anymore. It came out of nowhere too. Its like i just noticed that i want to be single, and lost the passion for the relationship im in, even though it has nothing personal to do with cirdan. Like im still attracted to him, i still love him and all that juzz. I just think i need metime.
How do i obtain this metime without crushing his heart like he did to me?

thanksgiving fun

so we've had a long weekend due to the holiday and everything. i had to work two split shifts on sat and sun. i normally have off on sundays so i felt like i had no time to myself or homework. its really becoming a problem. it always seems like i have so much time, but then all of a sudden days fly by and nothing gets done. ive lost my organization. luckily schools almost done so i'll have that month off to catch up. i cant wait.

My older brother shannon, whos been home from colorado for a few weeks is leaving tmw. We drank kessler last night, his buddies poured me a drink that was 2/3 kessler. suddenly it was 3 am and i was smashed. I ended up falling over when i changed into my pajamas. 15 hours later, i noticed a tender bruised area behind my ear. i eventually remebered that i had hit my head against my garbage can when i fell. crazy drunken andrea moments.

on a sader note, a friend of my boyfriend died early thanksgiving morning. Cirdan saw him out at the bar, because everyone goes out the night before thanksgiving, just a few hours before he passed. cirdan isnt close to him, but he knew him and he was a nice guy. always having fun. i guess he ODed later that night. He wasnt even someone who would overdose. it was a freak incident in my opinion. i dont know when the funeral is or if im going, but it still makes me sad. It wasnt his time, and his family found out on thanksgiving. i cant even image their pain.

A Letter from Andrea's Basement

I have to say that I'm excited to discuss Martin Luther King Jr.'s A Letter from Burmingham Jail. I've read it before in another class. It was History of Minorities in America. Good class, good letter. Personally, I was more interested in Malcom X. The Civil Rights Movement happened because of people like Martin Luther and Malcom X. After the Civil War, slavery was finally abolished by adding it to the Bill of Rights. For the life of me, and cant remember which one it was, its either the 13th, 14th, or 15th. I knew at one point in time however. So a new generation of children started to grown up in a world without slavery. So they didnt really know of how interations were between the white man and the black man. So children, who don't usually understand social behavior, are confused as to why they are seperated from the other people. In Anne Moody's Book, Coming of Age in Mississippi, she mentions when she was young, and had white neighbor friends she would play with. She purposly played doctor with them just so she could figure out that was different about them, but they had all the same parts she did.
It just amazes me how history is what it is. All these people who were part of the Movement knew it was big, but i bet you they didn't think that our world would have changed so much. I know it took along time from when slavery was abolished to complete freedom for every race. Even today, some people still live in oppression. All kinds of people. Not everyone has a free life, and i think thats the next step. The problems i see happening is that some people are 'bad' and some things should be controled and not permitted.
I don't know if what i just said is exactly how I feel about the subject, but I know that history is more real than is thought. Its hard to read about something that happened in the past, because it's not happening to you, and you probably didn't know the people involved. History is not only good to learn because of changes that happen, but so that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past, and can use it to help our future.

wow, i went way off subject from Martim Luther, but oh well.

Im in a photo mood!

I only have so many pics on my computer because i just got a digi camera recently. I feel like posting some of my old paintings, not only for you guys (eng 101 peeps) but for other people who i would be interested in showing my paintings to. I know my blog is late AGAIN this week but atleast im doing it now.

My nephew swimming! ^

A painting i did of Cirdans Eye, 2004. meduim: acrylic and varnish

Painting of Kurt Cobain, 2004. meduim: acrylic and varnish

'The Fletcher Man" 2005. meduim: acrylic and varnish

Abstraction of a sheriff depo pic of the car accident i was in in 2004, painted in 2007. meduim: oils

'The Wall" waterpainted in 2005

So these are just some things i wanted to put up and finally did. If you enjoy them then great, if not, then im sorry you were displeased.

Back to my real blog entry. My brother Shannon has been home for a week now, as i should have mentioned in my past blog entry or so. If i didnt, then to sum it up, hes my older brother, grad of BDHS in 1998. He lives in lakewood colorado, but was working in the storm drains in Key largo FLordia. he lost his job and wanted to fly home, so mom and i just bought him a ticket to stop home first, so he can work thru christmas and not have to worry about making it back to the beav in time. last year we picked him up at 1130 pm on christmas in madison. That sucked. Anyway, him and i visited some of his friends, which one is dating my best friend from middle school. (7 year age difference) but she has a kid from another relationship, and i guess they are good for each other. Anyway, we then started playing Guitar hero III. I havent played any of the game, so we had to buy it. i dont have a system at all, but shannon miraculously had a ps2 in one of his two duffel bags of belongings he had in flordia. we stayed up unitl 530 am sat night, well sunday morning, drinkin beer and playing metallica, slayer, pearl jam, rollling stones, all the 'good' songs from the game. i know it was critical homework time, but i havent seen my brother since last christmas. Normally i dont have school so i kinda forgot about those responsibilities. i didnt have much immediate homework, but i do have papers and a scholarship paper to do real soon. Yes, my eng paper is done, mostly. I dont know when shannons going home, but i expect it should be somewhat soon. He wants to go back and sleep on a real bed. I cant blame hime. I hope that someday i can afford to go out to colorado to visit. My grandma was from colorado springs and i visited there once when i was 9. It was so beautiful.

Earth is a wonderful place, and i dont want to rant about all that abstract stuff, but i cant help but appreciate the little things. I know i get so frosted (mad) sometimes that im irrational, but thats only when im irritable. anyway, sorry about my pissed off-edness today in classs, but i couldnt help it.

sorry im late

i didnt blog over the weekend because my computer has been alittle bitch. i dont know whats wrong with it. The Internet doesnt load past my home page sometimes and my damn cdr-rw drive likes to feak out. I wonder if my spysweeper even works. Im so ornery right now. im tired and have alot going on. This time its not school, its everything else. My brother flew home yesterday. I had to pick him up from the madison airport. it actually snowed! im kindof excited about that. i had to switch my schedule from work so i can go out to dinner with my family tonite and they want to eat at the restaurant i work at.
im cutting this blog short. I'll add more or a new one later. Im just irritable now.